Yesterday was a mostly cloudy day.
Depression is tricky. There are good and bad days. There are only a few people in my life who I can talk to about how I’m feeling on the bad days. I’m not great at expressing myself, so I came up with the following terms to explain how my depression can affect me depending how I’m feeling that day.
This comes in handy when someone I love can sense that I’m down. When they ask me how I’m feeling, I can use these terms. It’s easier when I only have to say a few words in order for them to understand. Hopefully, some people who also struggle with depression can relate. Maybe it will help.
I will start from a positive place. Isn’t that where we all would like to be? Isn’t that where we all wish we could stay?
These days are the ultimate goal. There’s not a cloud in the sky, no negativity on the horizon. On these days, I never once let myself feel down. I genuinely smile. I laugh out loud. I never feel like I have to fake any positivity. I truly feel happy. I love being around friends or family. I feel proud of myself. I feel pretty damn attractive.
I feel like I’m contributing to society and I’m on the right track. I can socialize with friends all day and not feel exhausted. I feel like I matter and like I deserve to be here. Sunny days are the absolute best days, obviously.
On these days, I feel great for most of the day. I can deal well with social interactions. I feel energized by getting work done or spending time with people. I can also cherish my alone time without letting any negative thoughts take over.
The small clouds that I feel may be an insecurity I felt by comparing myself to others but it was a blip in my day compared to everything else. On these days, the darkness just passes over me quickly without hovering.
⛅️Partly Sunny/Partly Cloudy
This is kind of a ‘meh’ day. I can see the light for a while and then feel the clouds come over me for a little bit. For example, I could just be leaving a lunch date with friends where I had a great time. I thoroughly enjoyed their company and I laughed and smiled. As soon I get in my car alone, though, the happiness goes away and I’m left feeling kind of empty. It doesn’t last for very long, but a feeling is a feeling, even if it’s fleeting.
I don’t feel particularly great, but I also don’t feel too bad. My self-esteem is about average on these days.
Partly sunny/cloudy days can also be blurs. I don’t feel particularly productive, but don’t consider myself a complete failure either. It’s all in my perspective and I’m able to snap myself out of feeling down for the most part.
I feel down for most of the day. On a mostly cloudy day, there are breaks of brief sunshine before the clouds cover everything up again. On these days, I may have low energy and don’t feel like doing much. I rarely smile on these days. If I do, it can be insincere. I just do it so nobody asks me what’s wrong.
Usually the whole day isn’t bad. I’m still able to laugh if it’s truly funny or if I talk to the right people, they can put a genuine smile on my face. I can only be productive if I really have to be, like if a deadline is coming up or I have a group project to finish. Otherwise, I’m not really feeling it.
I usually can only spend quality time with one person on these days, either my best friend or my boyfriend. If I’m left alone or get stuck in my own thoughts for too long, I can just feel the negativity weighing down on me.
There’s no sunshine. I feel down all day. I barely have enough energy to leave my bed. If I have nowhere to be that day I might just stay in bed all day. I have just enough energy to breathe. I don’t even feel like crying. I don’t want to talk to anyone or socialize at all. I just want to be left alone. This is the worst feeling in the world. Luckily, these days are very few and far between.
I hope these terms make sense to other people who can relate to how I feel sometimes. I was diagnosed with depression many years ago and I think I’m dealing with it pretty well.
Fortunately, I have a great family and supportive friends who love me. I don’t have very many mostly cloudy or cloudy days at all. I know I’m one of the lucky ones. I truly cherish the sunlight in my life.