I did and our relationship should’ve ended the moment I thought about it.
I have been there. I thought I was so slick. I felt like I could’ve worked for the FBI. I’d hacked into his phone and iPad while he was asleep to search for signs of infidelity.
I needed proof as to why I didn’t trust him anymore.
Well, I found it. Everything I was looking for popped up in his messages and emails. I was right all along. I wasn’t crazy even though he’d been telling me so anytime I brought up concerns.
But in the end, I didn’t feel good. My heart sank. My throat got tight. I didn’t feel accomplished or like I’d won some sort of game.
I’d lost. I’d lost respect for myself. I’d lost respect for his privacy. I’d lost all respect for our relationship.
I didn’t know it right at that moment, but eventually, I realized that our relationship ended long before the first time I went through his phone.
We had been walking the plank for a while, slowly but surely getting closer to the end of our relationship. Months earlier, he’d begun to act distant. Our work schedules were completely opposite and we didn’t spend as much time with each other as we had before.
I worked nights and he was constantly out with friends at parties, bars, and summer events. I could feel him pulling away from me and I wasn’t ready to let go.
I wish that I would’ve had the tough conversation to confront him about it. I should have asked him what he was feeling and if he wanted out of the relationship. Instead, I just accused him of being unfaithful and he always denied it.
I had never had the urge to look through his phone before this period of time. I never felt insecure about our relationship or wondered if he was interested in anyone else. But when the insecurity set in, I tried to find the answers myself, because I wasn’t getting them from him.
Your intuition will always reveal that something’s wrong. Even if your assumptions aren’t completely correct, the feeling that something is off is usually right.
It’s rarely only one person that notices a change in the dynamic of the relationship. But if you can’t talk about it with each other, you’re at a crossroads.
If you ever feel the need to go behind your partner’s back with something, it’s a red flag. When the lines of communication aren’t open, there is only room for assumptions and secrets, which are both recipes for disaster.
Nobody should stay in a relationship that consistently makes them feel miserable. Why would you choose to stay with someone who is lying to you and making you feel paranoid?
As soon as there are insecurities and accusations of infidelity, that means there is now a lack of trust. Without trust, the relationship might as well end. If you don’t believe what your partner is telling you, there is a level of discomfort that can only break you down.
That discomfort may cause you to look through their phone, email, or text messages because you want to ease your uncertainty. But whether you find something or not, the action alone should be a dealbreaker.
Even if they are cheating, you have now betrayed their trust as well by going through their phone. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
If you’re both not willing to work through your problems, know when to cut your losses and just break up.